I tried writing a song about this guy that I made myself like, just to have someone to gush over. Truth is, I found out that I'm not supposed to be that type of person. Sometimes, being single means not showing off or daydreaming about a certain person's handsomeness, or the way he looks at you, or the silly things he might say on the phone.
The plus side is, you don't have exes who randomly call and tell you that they still love you. Or worse, like a friend I will not name because I love her very much, your ex who shares the same neighborhood decides to cycle by every single day just to attract your attention. You won't be dumped, because you were never together with someone in the first place.
Now. I was at the songwriting-about-this-guy-I-liked, right? Okay, here it goes.
So I had braided my hair, and by afternoon, I tugged my pretty locks and it looked gorgeous. I guess I got a little too arrogant. I grabbed my bike, taking it for a few spins around the neighborhood, imagining what it would be like when my somewhat crush returned home, passing me by as he does it. (I haven't met him yet. Note the word 'haven't', because I still haven't met him.)
Sometime close to evening, a ball my brother and his friends were playing with soared out of my house compound, and, tired of waiting for my somewhat crush, I got on my bike and zipped after the ball, that was disappearing down the street. As I rode downhill with grim determination, guess who was coming up the hill?
You got it. It was my somewhat crush. And boy, wasn't he doing what I'd always wanted him to do; he looked at me. I guess he did it only because I was coming at him full speed. And to my horror, I realized that the brakes were, unfortunately for me, dead and useless.
It was made worse because I was going downhill. And I was heading straight for him.
I swerved wildly. And crashed into a pile of burnt leaves and sharp twigs and branches.
Right in front of my somewhat crush.
How mortifying.
It was a split second thing. I briefly remembered thinking, "Oh, bugger." before feeling myself fly through the air. When I next blinked, I was on the pile of smoky and thorny leaves, branches, and ash. I had flipped over my bike, and I could well see that my somewhat crush had actually looked back on his motorbike at me, before hightailing it away from the crime scene. Away from me.
Now, let me ask you. Where is the friggin chivalry?
I swerved to avoid hitting him. If that's not sacrifice, I don't know what is. The least he could have done was stop and ask if I was okay.
He didn't, sadly.
Did he gave quick glances in my direction like he used to do now?
He didn't. Sorry He doesn't.
So I became quite confused, before turning insecure for a few minutes. Then I became angry and decided that I would rather have pain than waste my time with these pretty faces and empty hearts.
You could say I was disappointed. And sad. I heard my neighbors praising his politeness. But I have never experienced it firsthand. And I don't think I will anytime soon either.
So I logged on to Twitter today, and I discovered that Demi Lovato, my absolute favorite Disney darling, has quietly-and early-ly-released her new single Heart Attack three days ago. Listening to her reminded me of my flirtation failure, and I realized that the words
Never break a sweat for the other guys
When you come around, I get paralyzed
And everytime I try to be myself
It comes out wrong like a cry for help
It's just not fair
Pain's more trouble than it all is worth
I gasp for air
It feels so good, but you know it hurts
And I thought...Wow. The song's barely three days old and already it holds a special meaning for me. To think that I actually thought I could stand a chance...that's what bothers me. It's bad enough looking like an absolute wreck in front of someone you're trying to impress, but to actually act out the wrecking process...I must've looked like a joke.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to change much for anyone. Don't tell me being yourself is hard; I know it is, and the going gets really rough. But in the end, your perspective changes. You can't pretend to be someone else forever, you know. Your true self will eventually show up.
Like Queen D says:
Sound advice. Oh, and go and get your own Heart Attack while you're on that quest.
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