Features, Updates, and Having Friends

Good morning. It's 10 AM here in Malaysia, and it's really hot outside. Guess what I'm doing?

If you said writing, then yes, you're right. I'm onto Chapter Twenty-Five right now, just taking a break because my fingers hurt. I did some crafts making last week and my fingers are chapped from pressing the needle a little too hard. I'm also on the verge of trying out something new. My friend said yesterday that he'd teach my how to play my guitar. I'm excited, but I don't think I'll be playing any pop song anytime soon. It's still too early for all of that. I'm planning to try out Taylor Swift's All Too Well as soon as I get the hang of the chords.

I'd like to sing in the car as I get lost upstate too. :D

So as I'm online, I head over to Figment for my writer's catch up. I like to get in touch with any new people asking for swaps, or just looking at today's features, or even try out a quiz or two. And just before I clicked Sign In, I saw a fellow writer friend's name on the feature at the top of the site. Maryn Wosu is my cover designer, and she was asked to feature four books.

As you can see, she has decided to highlight mine...



And suddenly my face, from puffy eyed, breaks out into a smile. A large one. Because I'm trying to get featured again on the homepage, but I've got nothing so far. The last time I got featured was last year, when my piece Awkward was picked by Figment's editors for the Archetype Practice Flash Fiction Contest. I was so happy, and humbled of course. I mean, not everyone's books get featured. And I'm not saying I'm so good a writer. The first few drafts of BTC was so bad people got confused and ran away. (I had a little tense shake-up; even I ran away.)

Then I got people coming over to my book, saying how much they enjoyed the sweet love story between two friends who drifted away. I saw Dani and Christian as two people in a doomed relationship. I mean, if I was Christian, I'd run away too, because I can't afford to not be trusted. For me, I want people to trust me, to let me try to help them. That's part of me in Christian.

The not trusting part of Dani is also a part of me too. As much as I dislike not being taken seriously, I dislike it when people try to nose into my life, pretending that they're interested in my life when they're not. I've met people who don't care much, and this story is as much a love story as a personal memoir. The love is something that adds to the story, giving Dani something to lose. That's why she ultimately decides to attend the birthday ball, why she lets herself get carried away as she dances with Christian.

Everyone has something they want. Sometimes they get it, and that's the easy part. Sometimes, they have to pretend to be someone else to get it, which makes it so much more complicated. Like Dani when she masquerades as Marianne. She tries to be different from who she is to avoid detection, but in the end, Christian doesn't really care, does he?

Oopsies, I might be giving away the story. :)

I'll be off now. Back to writing!

TLD

I Think I'd Have a Heart Attack

I tried writing a song about this guy that I made myself like, just to have someone to gush over. Truth is, I found out that I'm not supposed to be that type of person. Sometimes, being single means not showing off or daydreaming about a certain person's handsomeness, or the way he looks at you, or the silly things he might say on the phone.

The plus side is, you don't have exes who randomly call and tell you that they still love you. Or worse, like a friend I will not name because I love her very much, your ex who shares the same neighborhood decides to cycle by every single day just to attract your attention. You won't be dumped, because you were never together with someone in the first place.

Now. I was at the songwriting-about-this-guy-I-liked, right? Okay, here it goes.

So I had braided my hair, and by afternoon, I tugged my pretty locks and it looked gorgeous. I guess I got a little too arrogant. I grabbed my bike, taking it for a few spins around the neighborhood, imagining what it would be like when my somewhat crush returned home, passing me by as he does it. (I haven't met him yet. Note the word 'haven't', because I still haven't met him.)

Sometime close to evening, a ball my brother and his friends were playing with soared out of my house compound, and, tired of waiting for my somewhat crush, I got on my bike and zipped after the ball, that was disappearing down the street. As I rode downhill with grim determination, guess who was coming up the hill?

You got it. It was my somewhat crush. And boy, wasn't he doing what I'd always wanted him to do; he looked at me. I guess he did it only because I was coming at him full speed. And to my horror, I realized that the brakes were, unfortunately for me, dead and useless.

It was made worse because I was going downhill. And I was heading straight for him.

I swerved wildly. And crashed into a pile of burnt leaves and sharp twigs and branches.

Right in front of my somewhat crush.

How mortifying.

It was a split second thing. I briefly remembered thinking, "Oh, bugger." before feeling myself fly through the air. When I next blinked, I was on the pile of smoky and thorny leaves, branches, and ash. I had flipped over my bike, and I could well see that my somewhat crush had actually looked back on his motorbike at me, before hightailing it away from the crime scene. Away from me.

Now, let me ask you. Where is the friggin chivalry?

I swerved to avoid hitting him. If that's not sacrifice, I don't know what is. The least he could have done was stop and ask if I was okay.

He didn't, sadly.

Did he gave quick glances in my direction like he used to do now?

He didn't. Sorry He doesn't.

So I became quite confused, before turning insecure for a few minutes. Then I became angry and decided that I would rather have pain than waste my time with these pretty faces and empty hearts.

You could say I was disappointed. And sad. I heard my neighbors praising his politeness. But I have never experienced it firsthand. And I don't think I will anytime soon either.

So I logged on to Twitter today, and I discovered that Demi Lovato, my absolute favorite Disney darling, has quietly-and early-ly-released her new single Heart Attack three days ago. Listening to her reminded me of my flirtation failure, and I realized that the words

Never break a sweat for the other guys
When you come around, I get paralyzed
And everytime I try to be myself
It comes out wrong like a cry for help
It's just not fair
Pain's more trouble than it all is worth
I gasp for air
It feels so good, but you know it hurts

And I thought...Wow. The song's barely three days old and already it holds a special meaning for me. To think that I actually thought I could stand a chance...that's what bothers me. It's bad enough looking like an absolute wreck in front of someone you're trying to impress, but to actually act out the wrecking process...I must've looked like a joke.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to change much for anyone. Don't tell me being yourself is hard; I know it is, and the going gets really rough. But in the end, your perspective changes. You can't pretend to be someone else forever, you know. Your true self will eventually show up.

Like Queen D says:

Sound advice. Oh, and go and get your own Heart Attack while you're on that quest.

A Return To Blogger...And A Surprise!

Make that two surprises!

I miss you Blogger readers. Are there any of you out there? Because I don't see any pageviews at all! Why aren't you listening to me anymore? Huh?

Wait; maybe I acted too rashly. I mean, I'm the one who should be updating, right? Bummer.

But I still miss you, Blogger people. And I think after a long time of self-discovery, grief, and absence from something that is supposed to be on top of your lap, I'm itching to get back on track.

Here's my story: I've been bumbling for who-knows-how-many pages, and I still don't know my ending, or if there's going to be someone who can change my storyline. That's the purpose of being a writer, to make up stuff and add them to an otherwise boring life.

Anyway, I finally have two covers for my eBook, Beside The Cinders, which will be in stores this coming April. One is by Maryn Wosu, featuring a flame that has erupted from a rose.

It reminds me of the spark that has ignited in Dani, a spirit that helps her stand up for herself. The contrast is strong; I like the way the fire curls behind the words. The font is, ooh la la!

And here is the other cover, by another equally talented designer, Ava Chamberlain. You can see that the main focus is on the large rose petals and the word, Cinders. I think it's just gorgeous. This will be for the second edition of Beside the cinders, so readers can choose and pick one that speaks to them. 

I can relate to both pictures; I wouldn't have made them on my own, what with my apparent lack of design skills. I would never have thought of a fire to signify Dani's coming-of-age; that bit was amazing. And the simplicity of Ava's rose and font is brilliant. I just wish i could count on these lovely ladies once more for any future works!

As to the actual book, all I can say is that I'm sixteen chapters down. For any of you who are still curious, let's just say that I'm a chapter or two, or maybe three, from the day one of the ball. There might be some tweaking here and there in the story to ensure that all characters are accurately pictured. Dani, in my opinion, is not perfect and she will never be, but if she gets to inspire anyone, why not?

The Lone Dudette's back!

TLD

The Dark Side of Me

I'm feeling particularly depressed, and this is what I wrote for a couple of minutes. I had just been dissed, and I don't think my diss-er understood me. I decided to vent through my favorite method of venting: writing. And I think  just might cool down.

I'm just happy that I managed to write a poem at all; I've been trying to for the past few months, and couldn't come up with one because I wasn't riled up enough.

Well.

I am now.

Here's the downside of being the girl at home.

***

The girl at home
Waiting for something to take her away.
Wishing that people didn't have to be so cruel.

Or so unreasonable.

The girl at home
She looks at them with the eyes of a hawk.
Never forgetting the satisfied look in their eyes.
Or their ignorance.

The girl at home
She believes that there is a place for her.
But it’s not a place of many people.
Or a place of silence.

The girl at home
Waging a silent war on her mistakes.
Wishing she wasn’t alone to face them.
Or too tired.

The girl at home
Smiling because it isn’t good to frown.
Because it shows that you’re either unhappy.
Or ungrateful.

The girl at home
Drowning in the things that make her forget.
About the bleakness of her future.
Or the sadness of the past.

The girl at home
Wondering if she could ever make it.
Thinking what she did to hurt others.
Or did they hurt her?

The girl at home
So sad, so cold from their words.
She tries not to wish they were cast into stone.
Or forever cursed.

The girl at home
So many emotions layered like a ruffle gown.
Either she laughs loudly to mask her feelings.
Or she is silent.

The girl at home
Escaping into her own sanctuary of darkness.
Living in the black kingdom with her secrets.
Or living a lie.